• The way he was: Contrary to popular wisdom, Hills retardo-hunk Justin Bobby once went to high school, had only one first name and no power hair.

• No cash for trash: Paris Hilton's granddad gives away 97 percent of his fortune to charity. Gramps had previously called Paris' public antics "embarrassing." Now she'll be just really rich, not megarich.

• Coal for Christmas: Fergie's newest lovely lady lump is actually a diamond—the lead Pea and Josh Duhamel announce their engagement.

• Birthplace of Jesus, ass-whoopin': Greek Orthodox and Armenian priests tussle, attack each other with brooms and stones as they cleanup the Church of Nativity in Bethlehem. Four are wounded, some with blood running down their faces.