Welcome to the Honor Roll, a weekly selection highlighting the mind-bogglingly idiotic things that reasonably intelligent individuals do—more often than not while under the influence of alcohol—during the $160,000 paid vacation that is college. (Remember college? Probably not! You were so wasted).

Our first honoree comes by way of Dartmouth College, an institution rather dear to our heart. It seems a dorm resident in Hanover has had difficulty locating an appropriate waste receptacle (that is, one which disposes waste) and has thus taken to urinating in the communal laundry room "on a consistent basis over the past two weeks." According to an e-mail procured by Ivygate, this type of behavior isn't just gross; it poses a "serious health risk." You hear that, mystery pisser?! Stop relieving yourself near the washing machines! People are getting sick.

The e-mail after the jump ...

>Date: 05 Dec 2007 15:27:47 -0500
>From: Josiah S. Proietti
>Subject: Public Urination Notice
>To: (Recipient list suppressed)

Dear residents of Ripley Woodward Smith,

I hope this community health notice finds you all well during this busy time. It has been brought to our attention that there is a serious health risk in our building and it is important that it be addressed and corrected as soon as possible.

Urine has been found in one of the laundry room trash cans on a consistent basis over the past two weeks. Bodily fluids in any area other than a toilet becomes a health risk to everyone who encounters them.

Although it is difficult to believe the person doing this is one of those living in this community, if you know any helpful information that could contribute to the end of this behavior please share it with your UGA or CD.

Thanks for your help, good luck with finals!

Josiah Proietti
Community Director
Ripley/Woodward/Smith
Fayerweathers/Topliff