In what can only be described as the most flagrant hoax since H.G Wells' radio broadcast of War of the Worlds in 1938, producers of The Hills tried to hook starlet Lauren Conrad up with a randy Frenchman before she even arrived in Paris, according to today's New York Post.

Those of you who saw Monday's non-finale know that Conrad and dimwit office-mate Whitney Port were slated to "work" the Crillon Ball in Paris on behalf of nominal employer Teen Vogue. Now it seems that producers had ulterior motives: Namely, to install Conrad in a faux Froggy romance because "it would look better" on TV—the hope being that on a future episode potential love interest Brody Jenner would put down his iPhone long enough to contemplate on camera what could have been had he not been preoccupied with chasin' 'tang at hot spot Les Deux five nights a week.

The ploy worked: Conrad is last seen riding off into the sunset with the grungy guitar player of a band whose biggest hit to date is called "Loser, Boozer, Jacuzzi-User." (Interestingly enough, the Post also claims that the hinted-at but never explicitly seen Jenner-Conrad relationship is also an artificial construct.)

Even more shocking: silicone birdbrain Heidi Montag and puppeteer Spencer Pratt may actually still be together, their tiff allegedly little more than a bit of Machiavellian magic at the hands of ratings-hungry producers looking for an intriguing narrative arc.

Producers of The Hills have previously admitted to re-shooting certain scenes to get the mood right. But nobody could have predicted this.