FORGIVE ME, FATHER Conan, stand-in stalkers
The good news is that priestly obsessions are moving on from little pale Irish boys. The bad news, for big pale Irish boy Conan O'Brien, is that they're skewing in a more age-appropriate direction, in at least one case.

Rev. David Ajemian, a 46-year old Boston cleric, was arrested and placed on leave by the Archdiocese of Boston for stalking the late-night carrot-top. Ajemian's obsession with Conan started last April and has taken the form of several bizarrely threatening letters, including one that said, "I'm told by some of those officious little usher people that you're overbooked. Is this the way you treat your most dangerous fans? You owe me big-time, pal. I want a public confession before I even consider giving you absolution—or a spot on your couch."

Ajemian ends his letters "Padre" and "your priest stalker," a salutation that, while certainly confessional, probably made it a wee bit easier for the authorities to collar (ha ha, get it?) the stalky sermonizer before he had a chance to explore the mysteries of O'Brien's faith.