TAIL AND TWO CITIES Represent!
Coke vs. Pepsi. Kennedy vs. Castro. Heidi vs. L.C. Epic yet minor rifts when compared to the timeless power struggle between New York and Los Angeles. In the name of settling this battle royale, each week Radar will take stock and determine which city truly holds the competitive edge.

This week: Footraces and Fat Asses set the agenda.

L.A.: Quasi-famous television actors including the cast of Reno 911 and that woman who used to be on Seinfeld take to the streets to show solidarity with the city's striking writers.
NYC: The yearly marathon draws 40,000 runners, including Lance Armstrong, Katie Holmes, and her pert, unfettered nipples.
Advantage: NYC

L.A.: Sweethearts Nicole Richie and Joel Madden make an offer on a house in a gated Southern California community, only to get blackballed by nervous neighbors.
NYC: Subway sweethearts warm the cockles of cranky commuters, proving that, even in a goulash of vomit and C.H.U.D. feces, love comes free with the purchase of a 30-day unlimited ride Metrocard.
Advantage: L.A.

L.A.: Disneyland announces plans to renovate their Small World ride, insisting that adding deeper water and more load-bearing boats isn't a concession for fatter passengers per se, it's just that "heavier-than-anticipated loads" currently sink the damn dinghies.
NYC: Mayor Michael Bloomberg reveals a bold, new $2.5 billion plan to revamp Coney Island, where the hypodermic needles on the shore will be made only from the highest-grade steel and the poor bastard in the "Shoot the Freak" attraction will have better body armor than the troops in Iraq.
Advantage: NYC

L.A.: Civil rights activists are outraged as the LAPD proposes a widespread mapping system, designed to "identify Muslim enclaves across the city."
NYC: Another day, another bomb scare at La Guardia.
Advantage: NYC

L.A.: Welfare workers in the Los Angeles County Prosecutor's office may have made off with gift cards meant for foster children.
NYC: Peelers at Scores boobie bar pitch in with a "Cans for Cans" drive, waiving the $30 entry fee and providing a free drink to any gentleman who brings canned food and a $10 donation. (A "Vag for Vets" drive is planned for next Memorial Day.)
Advantage: NYC

FINAL SCORE:
L.A.: 1
NYC: 4

New York wins! It's been a tough week for L.A. And we didn't even mention the guy who stole all those puppies.