• Smart men, stupid affiliations: In his forthcoming memoir (with a title inspired by Fred Willard), What Happened, former White House press secretary Scott McClellan writes that he was but a pawn in a game of public deception and lied to by President Bush, Vice President Cheney, Karl Rove, and other high-ranking officials. Hey! Us, too!

• Paging Dr. I.M.N. Trouble : Dr. Jan Adams, (former) plastic surgeon to the stars, speculates that Donda West may have actually died of an accidental Vicodin overdose. Backtracking like 50 Cent when Kanye's album sales trumped his own, Adams later said that he was just speculating about "a hypothetical patient facing similar problems."

• Stars, soused like us!: Just days after getting pinched for public drunkenness and pledging never to drink again, googly-eyed Jonathan Rhys Meyers is seen enjoying what appears to be a midmorning malt beverage on the streets of London.

• Happy Kaballahdays: With a career three sizes too small, mean mom Madonna cancels Christmas and has husband Guy Ritchie convinced that "ever since we stopped the presents we're actually enjoying it."

• To catch a balladeer: After years of mystery, Neil Diamond reveals that he wrote his hit song "Sweet Caroline" alone in a hotel room, years after seeing a photograph of Caroline Kennedy as a little girl all dressed up in riding gear.

• Luxury banned: Louis Vuitton wins a lawsuit against Britney Spears for misusing the logo in her video for "Do Something." The ruling against Sony BMG and MTV Online said that "the video constituted an attack on Louis Vuitton's brands and its luxury image."