Poor Britney Spears can't seem to catch a break these days. Despite the fact that her new album defied all odds (and logic) to actually sell a decent number of copies, a last-minute change in the way Billboard magazine tabulates record sales means that the The Eagles (or, as they're known around here, "the best worst band of all time"), not Spears, will debut in the No. 1 slot this week.

Long Road Out of Eden—the geriatric collective's first studio effort in three decades—is available only through Wal-Mart, a violation of Billboard's policy that albums sold exclusively by one outlet are ineligible to appear on the mag's "Top 200" list. Unfortunately for Ms. Spears, that rule was scrapped at the eleventh hour, placing the incontinent quintet at the top of the chart.

"That rule made a lot more sense when people actually bought CDs," says a Billboard employee. Not surprisingly, questions of sense hold little interest to Brit Brit's fans, who are totally pissed!: "I HATE YOU BILLBOARD!!!! BRITNEY SHOULD BE NUMBER ONE!!!!!!! THE EAGLES WERE NOT ELGIBLE AND HOURS BEFORE YOU CHANGE IT???????????? DID U KNOW WAT A MESS YOU WERE GETTING INTO??????????????"

Watch your arthritic back, Don Henley! A coterie of iPod-sporting tweens is out for blood, and your motorized wheelchair is certainly not fast enough to outrun them.