Want to circumvent that pesky open political process and figure out how to rape and pillage the federal government for every dollar you can? Let journalist and noted Valerie Plame-slayer Bob Novak hold your hand.

The Prince of Darkness is back with his off-the-record, $595-a-plate dinner, and with Karl Rove on the roster, it promises to be a barn-burner—unlike that last dud. Plus, Novak could be the last stop for Rove before he disintegrates back into a pool of dark matter and seeps into the earthly bowels what birthed him.

Once again, the pitch for the pricey pig-out hoedown with D.C. Bob sounds like the kind of thing that would make most journalists wince, and it's hard to imagine someone who purportedly reports to a curious readership agreeing to terms like those attached to the gathering: "No sound bytes will report what Forum speakers reveal about Bush Administration strategy," event literature promises. "No newspaper reports will cover what Forum experts say about immigration, the economy, or battle plans for the 2008 presidential race. But as one of the 70 insiders permitted to enter, you'll know everything—in time to align your business decisions, investments, and political alliances."