• Missed: A suicide bomber exploded at the entrance to the base the vice president is visiting in Afghanistan. "The attacker was trying to reach Cheney," a Taliban spokesman said. Fourteen people were killed—just add 'em to Dick's Mid-East tab.

• Titanic hoax?: Christians and scientists are mad at Linda Hamilton's ex James Cameron for parading around with what he's claiming is Jesus's bone box.

• Their other brother Saddam is already dead: Jorge, a jaguar named after President Bush, attacked and killed a zookeeper this weekend, while his brother Osama, a jaguar named after the only Osama, remained hidden in Bolivia.