Aiken-outing ching-chong chick Rosie O'Donnell has rediscovered her niche as America's ballsiest bloviator. Now if she can only dethrone Donald Trump. Or, better yet, milk the flaxen-crowned king of publicity ops for some publicity of her own.

To recap: Miss U.S.A. got caught doing Jello shots off of Miss Teen U.S.A. (figuratively speaking). Trump started a media circus by announcing his Jesus-like capacity for forgiveness. On The View, Rosie blasted Trump for being a sash-chaser and "snake oil salesman" and for marrying and impregnating women young enough to be his daughters. Trump responded by announcing his plans to sue Rosie for defamation and send one of his playa friends over to steal her girlfriend, adding this touch of class: "I'd like to steal some money from her fat-ass pockets." And in the day's latest chapter, Rosie extended an invitation to the Donald to "sit and spin."

Overcome with a much more uplifting Christmas spirit, we can't bring ourselves to pick a side in what's clearly a dick-measuring contest. So we leave it up to you, dear readers.